I’ve helped them see their lives as a canvas for self-expression that could, and should, reflect their personal passions and values. You too can open yourself up to the possibility of creatively transforming any crisis, loss or change in your life by following this three-step process based upon my book, “Wise Mind, Open Mind.”

Step One: Letting Go of the Past and Resistance

The art of creative transformation begins with the willingness to be mindful of your hidden resistance to making a change, examining it and breaking it down so that you can sweep it away like sand on a doorstep. If unwanted change has occurred, you’re likely to become angry or upset, and struggle to regain what’s been lost. You might find yourself closing your eyes to any other avenues available to you, obsessing about the past and trying to reclaim what was once yours. This resistance blocks you from recognizing that what lies ahead for you might actually make you happier than you’ve ever been.

If all signs point to the need for change, it’s important not to deny them and cling to the status quo even as it’s slipping away. Instead explore your own resistance to change and let go of all that’s holding you back, so that you can be in open mind and accept, and even embrace, the impermanent nature of life. Then you can stop feeling like the victim of circumstances and begin to see that you, too, can transform yourself and your life in a positive and exciting way.

Step Two: Learn How to Tune into Your Creative Unconscious

The second step is tuning in and listening to the wisdom of your soul or unconscious, the state in which core creativity takes place, beyond the limitations of the mind’s thought processes. Whenever you reconnect to this core, authentic self through open mind, the temporary circumstances of life stop distracting you. You’re able to trust that the creative process will produce opportunities and possibilities in due time.

To access your core creativity and stop identifying with your ego or false self, which insists, “I can’t,” “I shouldn’t,” and “I’ll never” start to develop a meditation practice that you do for five to twenty minutes a day. I particularly recommend a mindfulness or insight meditation practice, which allows you to see the true nature of your experiences. Other forms of meditation that help you access an open mind are prayer, contemplation, mindful movement such as martial arts, tai chi and yoga, and just being in nature.

Step Three: Learn How to Move Forward with a Practical Plan

The final step is to create a practical plan to manifest your goals. Any plan or vision requires research if you want to make it a reality. We’ve all known people who made a major move too quickly, without thinking through the details, because they were so eager to meet their goals.

Quite often, my clients begin the process of envisioning a new life by insisting that they need more money. If you feel this way, explore this idea mindfully. Instead of assuming that money is your golden ticket to a fulfilling life, think about how you can increase the number and range of opportunities available to you. Learning about how people have overcome obstacles and achieved success can help you identify the elements in their winning formulas, but then you must apply their insights and advice to your own life.

If you know what you need to do visual reminders, such as a vision board may help keep you on track. Figuring out how long it should take to reach your goals can be difficult and can generate anxiety or worry. When you look at your goals and your checklist for manifesting your vision, you may find that your progress isn’t as steady or as spectacular as you’d hoped. Also gather and work with a wisdom council of support. Your friends, family or neighbors can offer you practical or emotional support at times, but to come through a crisis and make the biggest breakthroughs in personal transformation, it’s best to cast a wide net and draw in support from multiple sources.

Rebuilding after any great loss can be extremely difficult, but again and again, I’ve seen people use meditation and the art of creative transformation to pull themselves out of a valley of despair and even create successes they never would’ve dreamed of before their initial loss. A forward-thinking view can lead to reinvention and healing.

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Ronald Alexander, Ph.D. is the author of the widely acclaimed book, Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change. He is the director of the OpenMind Training® Institute, practices mindfulness-based mind-body psychotherapy and leadership coaching in Santa Monica, CA, for individuals and corporate clients. He has taught personal and clinical training groups for professionals in Integral Psychotherapy, Ericksonian mind-body healing therapies, mindfulness meditation, and positive psychology nationally and internationally since 1970. (www.openmindtraining.com)

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The mind has the marvelous capacity to re-live the emotions connected to a memory over and over again, each time you recall it. When you close your eyes and imagine yourself standing at the shore of a lake, happily tossing in stones with your grandfather at your side, you recreate the feelings of contentment and love. You can use such a wholesome memory as an antidote to emotional pain whenever you feel unloved or insecure.

In my therapy practice when a client has an unwholesome self-judgment, I help her experience its wholesome antidote. For example, an interior designer I work with felt that she wasn’t unique or special. I knew from our sessions that this belief was holding her back from expanding her business and I asked her to recall a time when she felt unique or special.

Sometimes my clients insist that they never, not for a moment, felt a particular wholesome quality, but I always press this point, because I know that with some effort, they can find one, however small. I tell them that it’s as if their computer has given them the error message “file not found” because they’re searched for it in the wrong area of their hard drive. Through a mindfulness meditation practice, you can recover such moments that the conscious mind has forgotten and “restore the file.” Then you can reprogram your belief system, consciously choosing to lay a new neural network. However, if you decide to retain that file, you reinforce the old unwholesome belief, ensuring that it will affect your self-image in the future.

You can return repeatedly to this wholesome memory, all the while using it as a positive antidote. When you do, you’ll reinforce a new, consciously chosen, wholesome self-judgment. My client was able to access a memory of putting her senior art project on display for the class, and the tremendous admiration and respect her classmates showered on her. Each time she recalled this memory, it re-created in her feelings of being talented, creative, and special.

Here are two more tips from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind on how to transform a painful memory:

Create a New Memory

Another technique for transforming an unwholesome memory into a wholesome one is to consciously rewrite a traumatic memory. Doing so lessens the intensity of the unwholesome feelings attached to it and lays new neural networks for remembering a positive, enhancing experience (albeit one created in the imagination). By creating this healing memory, you ensure that whenever the original memory arises in your awareness, it won’t cause you as much pain as it used to.

Make an Unwholesome Memory Wholesome

Practice the following mindful meditation:

Becoming more insightful and reflective through a mindfulness practice leads to greater awareness of the unwholesome memories produced by your mind. You may be tempted to be critical of your ability to meditate or quickly shift the painful memory, but what you really are is a person making a long and sometimes arduous journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance. Don’t hold yourself to unrealistic standards and expect to quickly transform what are often lifelong thinking habits.

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I asked if I could interrupt and work with them for a few minutes. By taking 12 minutes to practice what was once an ancient meditation practice but is now very mainstream we applied the basic principles of intention setting the mind on a positive outcome coupled with focusing on the breath. After about fifteen minutes the group entered what I call in my book Wise Mind, Open Mind the practice of mindful meditative inquiry and it didn’t take long for the group to recognize that they were all experiencing similar fears and concerns. They realized that they all saw the core problem and wanted to solve it, whereas before, all they perceived was a power struggle—each one determined to win. Now the marketing team was able to find common ground and get to the heart of what had worked for this recording artist in the past. This time I noticed “no” was used approximately16 times and “YES” was the predominate word of choice. They finally worked out a solution that the star agreed to and soon after the new marketing push, the recording shot to the top of the charts.

Whenever we’re facing an unpleasant or alarming situation, we’re likely to become anxious and try to figure out what we can do instead of becoming quiet and seeking new ideas or revisiting what worked in the past. We quickly make a decision about our course and focus on getting others to agree to go along with the program. This desire to take control can lead to great suffering.

Twenty five hundred years ago the Buddha understood how to accept the impermanent nature of things, stop clinging and grasping, and let go of the need to control the situation that one can find themselves in. He developed an eightfold path of wise view, intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness and concentration to find balance between acceptance and doing what needs to be done to positively affect your circumstances. Here is a brief synopsis of these strategies from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind where I give additional practical advice on accepting change.

The Eightfold Path to Letting Go of the Need to Control

First Path: Wise View

In wise view, you recognize that it’s not your job, nor is it in your power, to control what happens outside of you. You understand that instead, you can only control what happens within your own mind.

Second Path: Wise Intention

To exercise wise intention, you must be mindful of any propensity toward allowing your fear to rule you. When operating from a primitive, fearful state, everything seems to be a threat to survival, and the mind begins to justify actions it otherwise would recognize as domineering and manipulative.

Third Path: Wise Speech

The greater our facility with language, the more tempting it can be to try to control situations through our words. Insults and sarcasm can intimidate others. Gossip and left-handed compliments are also common weapons in the arsenal of one who doesn’t exercise wise speech.

Fourth Path: Wise Action

Wise action means not acting in controlling, manipulative, or coercive ways. It means not being vengeful, regardless of how badly you’ve been hurt. The thirst for revenge comes from clinging to the past and to the lost opportunity to prevent suffering. People can obsess over what they should’ve done differently, and sometimes that obsession turns into vengefulness as they try to “right” a wrong.

Fifth Path: Wise Livelihood

Livelihood refers not just to what you do for a living but your purpose, which weaves meaning into every action. Whatever you spend your time doing, whatever it is that gives you a sense of purpose, Buddhist tradition says that you must do it mindfully, giving it the focus and effort it deserves.

Sixth Path: Wise Effort

To exercise wise effort is to focus and discipline your mind to align it with your wise intention. It’s very easy to resort to controlling behavior in a difficult situation, even if you intend not to. Wise effort requires letting go of what no longer works and engaging in courageous new actions that leads to transformation.

Seventh Path: Wise Mindfulness

Mindfulness is what grounds you in the present so that when you start to drift off into obsessing about the past, or start making plans to wrest control of a situation, you instead stop and look deeply at your negative and controlling patterns. Being fully focused on what’s happening in the moment, experiencing your unwholesome and painful feelings, requires what I call “mindstrength,” the ability to very quickly and easily shift out of a reactive mode and become fully present in the moment.

Eighth Path: Wise Concentration

By exercising wise concentration, you remain present in your awareness of a situation exactly as it is, and instead of being reactive, you’ll find that you suddenly know how to respond to it in a wholesome, productive way. You’ll be able to focus on what’s going on inside you instead of what’s going on outside of you.

So take a deep breath inhale and exhale, set your mind on what you wish, and await a more positive outcome. Enjoy your day with mindfulness!

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