As a therapist working with people in creative industries, I’ve seen how the idea that “you’re only as good as your last project” creates an unwholesome dissatisfaction and constant striving to do better, a perfectionism that leads to a lack of appreciation for the great triumphs of life. As the wheel of fortune turns, the section that was in the mud gets dried in the sunlight while the parts that were in the sunlight roll into the mud. Buddhism teaches that happiness is a momentary state of mind, body, and energy, so when you’re happy, relish it, but be mindful that the wheel will inevitably turn. Similarly, when you’re unhappy, recognize the fleeting nature of your emotions and experiences, learn from them, and know that this too shall pass.

When you’re meeting your goals, being productive, feeling a sense of purpose, enjoying prosperity, and flourishing in all areas of your life, it can feel as if you’ve reached the end of a long road and all suffering is behind you. If you’ve emerged from a trauma or loss, or a long period of unhappiness, the desire to believe that you’ve “arrived” is especially powerful. Given that genuine inner happiness fluctuates, it’s important to be mindful as you ride on the rim of that ever-turning wheel, rather than hold on to the misconception that life and happiness are static.

Your goal must be to remain open to each moment and what it brings, whether it be positive, neutral, or negative, thereby freeing yourself from distractions, hindrances, and the fleeting desires that create what I call the “wanting mind.” Peaks are wonderful, but they don’t last forever, so it’s important to drink every drop of juice from the fruit when it’s at its height of ripeness, rather than hoard it fearfully or squander it. Otherwise, when you end up in the valley again, you’re more likely to experience the suffering caused by wanting mind and wish that you could return to your previous circumstances.

Here are 4 steps from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind to help you circumvent the valleys in your life.

Step 1: Cultivate Patience

In an ebb period, impatience and doubt inevitably arise. The wanting mind longs to take charge, so it can be hard to accept that you can’t control how or when you’ll meet your goals. When you feel emotional distress and pain in response to upsetting situations, patience keeps you from being reactive and making poor choices out of frustration. It allows you to be in harmony with the timing of others, who have their own rhythms and may help you to manifest your vision. Mindstrength (the ability to very quickly and easily shift out of a reactive mode and become fully present in the moment) allows you to be patient and remain present in the moment as your life unfolds before you. It helps you clarify whether circumstances feel right, and whether you’re acting in ways that are in accordance with your values and core passions.

Step 2: Set Realistic Goals

To prevent feelings of impatience and anxiety, it’s good to set specific, realistic goals for yourself, based on what you’ve learned about the typical timetable for achieving your goals. However, if your target date arrives, and you realize that for all your hard work, focus, and dedication, you still aren’t where you’d planned to be, assess the situation mindfully rather than automatically give up on it. You may need more time to heal from a loss. Perhaps you’re very close to a point where a dramatic shift will occur. Mindfulness will give you clarity, allowing you to recognize why your projected timing didn’t work out and accept that there were circumstances beyond your control; that you procrastinated, became distracted, or engaged in avoidance behavior; or that you don’t have the passion you thought you had. You’ll recognize that boredom doesn’t necessarily come from a lack of passion. Sometimes it comes from being impatient and from not being mindful of the process and the opportunities for growth that it offers.

Step 3: Ask Yourself, “What Now?”

Sometimes, the ebb of happiness is very low and lasts a very long time. Depression doesn’t have to block you from a life of purpose and fulfillment. Both Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill suffered from depression, yet neither overly identified with this affliction. They recognized that this “black dog” (as Churchill called it) would appear of its own accord, and they accepted the rhythms inherent in a depressive temperament. I tell depressed or bipolar patients that focusing on why they have this affliction may be useful up to a point but that a far more productive question is, “What now?” We focus on getting the client the proper medications and natural vitamin supplements or hormones, and arranging for emotional support, which alleviates the worst of the depression. Then we explore how the depression or manic energy can be used as fuel for a purposeful life.

Step 4: Take a “Reality Check”

Many of us have feelings of guilt and powerlessness when we are in the ebb of life. Such guilt often stems from a defensive need to believe that we have more control over life’s events than we truly do. Sometimes, taking a look at others’ experiences, or doing a “reality check,” can alleviate these feelings at least somewhat. We can also believe “God is punishing me” or “This must be karma; I must’ve done something terrible in a previous life.” These types of beliefs lead to the question, “Why?” or “How did I cause this?” instead of the healthier questions, “How can I use mindfulness to focus on my immediate experience? What am I thinking, feeling, and sensing now?” After attuning to the now, ask “What’s next? What do I need to do?” These questions are at the core of creative transformation. We need to look forward, even while embracing the pain of the moment. A forward-thinking view can lead to reinvention and healing.

So no matter if you’re experiencing a peak or valley right now get off your computer, cell phone, iPad or the telephone and take a sacred mindful pause to reflect, and relax. Let yourself flow into this beautiful space of peace, grace and equanimity, taking the time to mindfully recharge your battery of self. Enjoy this breath and this moment now!

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I asked if I could interrupt and work with them for a few minutes. By taking 12 minutes to practice what was once an ancient meditation practice but is now very mainstream we applied the basic principles of intention setting the mind on a positive outcome coupled with focusing on the breath. After about fifteen minutes the group entered what I call in my book Wise Mind, Open Mind the practice of mindful meditative inquiry and it didn’t take long for the group to recognize that they were all experiencing similar fears and concerns. They realized that they all saw the core problem and wanted to solve it, whereas before, all they perceived was a power struggle—each one determined to win. Now the marketing team was able to find common ground and get to the heart of what had worked for this recording artist in the past. This time I noticed “no” was used approximately16 times and “YES” was the predominate word of choice. They finally worked out a solution that the star agreed to and soon after the new marketing push, the recording shot to the top of the charts.

Whenever we’re facing an unpleasant or alarming situation, we’re likely to become anxious and try to figure out what we can do instead of becoming quiet and seeking new ideas or revisiting what worked in the past. We quickly make a decision about our course and focus on getting others to agree to go along with the program. This desire to take control can lead to great suffering.

Twenty five hundred years ago the Buddha understood how to accept the impermanent nature of things, stop clinging and grasping, and let go of the need to control the situation that one can find themselves in. He developed an eightfold path of wise view, intention, speech, action, livelihood, effort, mindfulness and concentration to find balance between acceptance and doing what needs to be done to positively affect your circumstances. Here is a brief synopsis of these strategies from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind where I give additional practical advice on accepting change.

The Eightfold Path to Letting Go of the Need to Control

First Path: Wise View

In wise view, you recognize that it’s not your job, nor is it in your power, to control what happens outside of you. You understand that instead, you can only control what happens within your own mind.

Second Path: Wise Intention

To exercise wise intention, you must be mindful of any propensity toward allowing your fear to rule you. When operating from a primitive, fearful state, everything seems to be a threat to survival, and the mind begins to justify actions it otherwise would recognize as domineering and manipulative.

Third Path: Wise Speech

The greater our facility with language, the more tempting it can be to try to control situations through our words. Insults and sarcasm can intimidate others. Gossip and left-handed compliments are also common weapons in the arsenal of one who doesn’t exercise wise speech.

Fourth Path: Wise Action

Wise action means not acting in controlling, manipulative, or coercive ways. It means not being vengeful, regardless of how badly you’ve been hurt. The thirst for revenge comes from clinging to the past and to the lost opportunity to prevent suffering. People can obsess over what they should’ve done differently, and sometimes that obsession turns into vengefulness as they try to “right” a wrong.

Fifth Path: Wise Livelihood

Livelihood refers not just to what you do for a living but your purpose, which weaves meaning into every action. Whatever you spend your time doing, whatever it is that gives you a sense of purpose, Buddhist tradition says that you must do it mindfully, giving it the focus and effort it deserves.

Sixth Path: Wise Effort

To exercise wise effort is to focus and discipline your mind to align it with your wise intention. It’s very easy to resort to controlling behavior in a difficult situation, even if you intend not to. Wise effort requires letting go of what no longer works and engaging in courageous new actions that leads to transformation.

Seventh Path: Wise Mindfulness

Mindfulness is what grounds you in the present so that when you start to drift off into obsessing about the past, or start making plans to wrest control of a situation, you instead stop and look deeply at your negative and controlling patterns. Being fully focused on what’s happening in the moment, experiencing your unwholesome and painful feelings, requires what I call “mindstrength,” the ability to very quickly and easily shift out of a reactive mode and become fully present in the moment.

Eighth Path: Wise Concentration

By exercising wise concentration, you remain present in your awareness of a situation exactly as it is, and instead of being reactive, you’ll find that you suddenly know how to respond to it in a wholesome, productive way. You’ll be able to focus on what’s going on inside you instead of what’s going on outside of you.

So take a deep breath inhale and exhale, set your mind on what you wish, and await a more positive outcome. Enjoy your day with mindfulness!

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