When we’re in a state of wanting mind, we’re never satisfied, no matter what we have. If we attain the object of our longing, we simply replace the old desire with a new one. If we achieve revenge; we feel worse than we did before. The problem is that wanting mind is rooted in the incorrect belief that something outside of ourselves is the key to lasting happiness so we look there for the solution. The reality is that no emotion or state of being, however strong, is permanent and that happiness can’t be found outside of ourselves only within. Buddhists call this phenomenon of endless wanting and dissatisfaction the “hungry ghost.”

Now I realize that one can never completely avoid the wanting mind or any other hindrance. Desire is part of being human. It causes us to strive toward bettering our lives and our world, and has led to many of the discoveries and inventions that have provided us with a higher quality of life. But there’s a danger in thinking that by ridding yourself of this quality of wanting, you’ll lose the motivation to better your life. The unhealthy side of the wanting mind is despite all that we can achieve and possess, we become convinced that we won’t be happy or contented unless we acquire even more. This unwholesome belief can lead to competitiveness and feeling resentful toward, or envious of, those who seem to have an easier life.

This leads to the unwholesome habit of comparison. Some people look at others’ successes and feel deeply envious. They may be angry that they haven’t achieved what they feel entitled to, start to diminish all that’s working for them in their lives, and obsess over what seems to be lacking.

Often, I’ve found that younger people put tremendous pressure on themselves to succeed in their careers at a very early age, not allowing themselves to venture out and explore, take risks, make mistakes, discover their talents and passions, and slowly begin formulating a plan for their personal mandala. Others often have unrealistic expectations rooted in the narratives spun by popular culture. In movies and television shows for example the difficulties of maintaining and nurturing relationships are often minimized in favor of a more engaging and unlikely story of couples who meet, fall in love immediately, have great sex as well as an unwavering long-term commitment, and rarely disagree—and if they do, they quickly resolve all their issues. The amount of effort and time that must be invested to foster a healthy relationship is often surprising to people with little experience of such relationships.

One remedy to addressing these underlying, and distorted beliefs of the wanting mind that contribute to the complexities of depression is through a mindfulness meditation practice. I had one client, in particular, who dreamed of being a successful novelist, and became deeply envious of a talented writer who’d written several best-selling novels that had defined a genre and made her famous. This client, who was only a year or two out of college, had already managed to procure a scholarship to a prestigious writing program but felt disappointed in her inability to find a publisher for her novel.

Through meditation, the conflicted young woman was able to explore her belief that she should have as much skill and success as someone who had spent many years honing her craft and building her profile among booksellers and readers. By becoming mindful she recognized that she’d been repressing unwholesome feelings of low self-worth. I helped her see that the passion she was devoting to envying this best-selling author’s success could be redirected to more productive activity if she would apply a positive antidote of satisfaction to her wanting mind, which had created a grandiose expectation completely out of proportion to a reasonable level of achievement for a writer just starting out. Only through self-love and being in the moment can one open themselves up to the type of creativity they need to improve their circumstances.

By dropping out of wanting mind and negative comparison, you can then drop into an acceptance of what’s ordinary as well as what’s extraordinary within yourself. Each of us has the potential to do something no one else has ever done before, and you open yourself to discovering just what that is when you replace wanting mind and its negative feelings and thoughts with a mind-set of satisfaction.

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Here is a brief explanation of each hindrance along with a remedy to help you shift the unwanted emotion and thoughts. In my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind I discuss these resistances in more detail along with a specific mediation to augment each remedy. I always encourage my patients to include a mindful meditation practice to enhance their efforts.

Hindrance #1: Wanting Mind

Wanting mind has the qualities of grasping or clinging. We cause ourselves suffering when we ache for something that lies out of our grasp or cling in vain to something that has already passed away. In wanting mind, we feel that our current state of unhappiness could be cured if only we could have the money, job, relationship, recognition, or power we had and lost, or never had and strongly desire. Sometimes, wanting mind involves tightly holding on to something negative: an unwholesome belief about how things ought to be or should have been, or an unwholesome emotion such as anger, sadness, or jealousy. We also often suffer when we get what we think we want and suffer when we don’t get what we want, a paradox to explore.

Remedy:

The real antidote to suffering marked by the quality of wanting is not to achieve a temporary panacea but to experience satisfaction in this moment, exactly as it is. Only by experiencing satisfaction right now can you open yourself up to the type of creativity that will help you see what you have to do to bring about better circumstances. Click on the link to listen to the Satisfaction Meditation to help you with this remedy. This is from my Meditations for Creative Transformation CD.

Hindrance #2: Illusory Perfection

Sometimes we dearly wish to hold on to a chimera: the illusion of perfection. You’ll cause enormous suffering for yourself if you feel entitled to lasting satisfaction with every aspect of life. Thinking about what you “ought” to have achieved or acquired, you may become angry, frustrated, sad, or confused, wondering what went wrong. You may also find yourself feeling envious or jealous, thinking that the only thing standing between you and the perfect relationship, financial situation, career, or happiness is someone else.

Remedy:

The remedy for this hindrance is acceptance and clarity about the impermanent nature of your experiences. To release the negative thoughts about your entitlement to perfection, you must let go of the idea that perfection is a set of unchanging, external circumstances that you find pleasing in every way. Every moment, no matter how perfect, must fade into the past. Another such moment can’t occur until you let go of the hindrance of illusory perfection that keeps you locked in suffering. The remedy is to accept whatever’s happening in the present moment.

Hindrance #3: Sleeping Mind

Depression and ennui spring from the hindrance of “sleeping mind,” which is marked by the qualities of drowsiness, sluggishness, fatigue, laziness, apathy, and malaise, or torpor. A major part of depression is the lack of energy or motivation to get out of bed, to do what needs to be done without procrastinating or giving in to the feeling that there’s no point in taking action.

Remedy:

The remedy for sleeping mind is vitality, which is experienced in the body as well as in the mind. Vital thoughts and feelings arise when you awaken your body. To start remedying this hindrance, be mindful of any physical causes for your sluggishness, from a poor diet to a lack of exercise and sleep, and even allergies and intolerances to substances in your food and environment. Also stress and the powerful emotions of anger and sadness can create physical fatigue, which destroys motivation to move physically and leads to depressive thoughts and emotions. Exercise actually alters the body’s chemistry, making it easier to let go of unwholesome states of mind and replace them with wholesome ones. The traditional Taoist and Buddhist walking meditations focus on the slow process of putting one foot in front of the other and being mindful of the shifting sensations as you propel yourself forward.

Hindrance #4: Restlessness

On the surface, restlessness may seem like a positive state, because it inspires you to keep moving instead of becoming stagnant. Creative artists talk about having an “itch” or urge to get back into their music or art studio. What they’re describing is a form of creative motivation that’s quite different from restlessness. They’re referring to a discomfort with being distracted and unfocused, and a desire to enter a focused, creative state. Restlessness is most often simply undirected, unproductive action, such as puttering or flitting about from one activity to the next, never completing a task.

Remedy:

The hindrance of restlessness can be remedied with comfort and relaxation. Generating a feeling of comfort allows the mind’s frenzied activity to slow down, and triggers the sympathetic nervous system to begin releasing calming hormones into the body and slow your heart rate and breathing. A mindfulness meditation practice is particularly helpful in shifting restlessness.

Hindrance #5: Doubt

The hindrance of doubt has the qualities of skepticism, cynicism, confusion and pessimism. But unlike pessimism, doubt at least leaves some room for the possibility of positive change. Cynicism and pessimism only provide an illusory sense of power for a short time. There can be no true joy or contentment in believing that what lies ahead will, in all certainty, generate more suffering.

Remedy:

The remedy for doubt is curiosity, appreciation of the mystery of life, and resolve, all of which are intertwined. Acceptance and wonder at the mystery, coupled with the resolve of acceptance, allows you to minimize the suffering of a loss. No one likes losing something of great value, and you don’t have to believe the loss was meant to be part of a divine plan, although some may find that belief comforting. What’s absolutely necessary is acceptance and the resolve to move forward with an open mind, believing that positive people, opportunities, and situations will show up in your life again.

Acceptance of what’s happening in the moment, and of the current situation, is a cornerstone of positive psychology. The paradox is that this wholehearted acceptance of the present, regardless of how unpleasant or even painful circumstances might be, is absolutely necessary if you’re to change the situation for the better. From acceptance, you move into action allowing resolve and determination to rush in.

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