In ancient traditions, open-mind consciousness was considered to be a spiritual awakening, the great enlightenment that dissolves the darkness of confusion and fear, and ushers in peace, happiness, clarity, and contentment. Today the notion that there’s one formulaic way to achieve this spiritual awakening and creative vibrancy has been blown apart. You don’t have to run off to a monastery or practice meditation for thirty years before attaining a breakthrough. A few years ago, I had a client, named Sarah who’d completely given up on psychotherapy until a failed suicide attempt convinced her to try it one more time. I urged her to begin a mindfulness practice, and she agreed. After several months—not years, but months—she had an extremely powerful experience while meditating. As she described it, she felt a rush of light and energy infuse her body, and experienced an ineffable sense of the presence of the divine, the cosmos, and a collective consciousness. After this transcendent experience, Sarah who’d been overweight to an unhealthy degree, lost several pounds, became more engaged by her work and closer to her friends, and was no longer suicidal. It was a major turning point for her.

What Sarah described has been called not only “open-mind awareness” but also, in the West, a “peak experience,” “being in the flow,” or “being in the zone.” I call it accessing your “core creativity,” because I believe that deep inside every person lies this potential for connecting to a universal flow of knowledge and creativity that’s boundless and expansive. Our individual thoughts and memories are a part of this greater, larger resource.

Just as an athlete who’s in condition has the muscle tone to be able to spring into action instantly, someone who regularly accesses their core creativity becomes creatively toned. For this person, the faucet to this remarkable flow of inspiration opens up easily, naturally, and often, allowing spontaneous and dramatic breakthroughs. When you’re creatively toned, instead of merely dipping your toe in the water and playing it safe, you’re willing to be utterly daring. Knowing this, you can navigate through a sea of self-limiting thoughts and transform such unwholesome beliefs as “I had my chance and blew it,” “It’s too late; my time is over,” “I’ll never be happy again,” and “I can’t.”

Here are 6 ways you can stimulate and tone your creativity from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind.

Mindfulness Meditation Practice

One of the most effective ways to become creatively toned and start accessing core creativity is through a mindfulness meditation practice. Mindfulness allows us to listen and pay attention to what we might otherwise overlook—whether it’s a fresh idea or a new way of perceiving a situation—enhancing our creativity and letting go of our obstacles to innovation. Many people are intimidated with the idea of meditating with excuses of not having the time or ability to quiet the mind. Really all you need is 5 to 20 minutes a day and there are many mediation CDs that can help guide you through the process. In fact my CD Mindful Meditations for Creative Transformation was created to specifically help one access their inner resources.

Dabbling in the Arts

Our culture’s overemphasis on fame and great success often turns people away from their creative inclinations, because they feel that if they can’t reach a professional goal with their writing, singing, or painting endeavors, they shouldn’t bother. What they don’t realize is that simply dabbling in the fine arts, with no specific goals or intentions, awakens our ability to approach life with greater openness and curiosity. In the same way that mindfulness practice jogs the areas of the brain associated with well-being, optimism, and compassion for yourself and others, so too does immersing yourself in any artistic exploration or enjoyment jog your creativity.

Immersing Yourself in Nature

Experiencing nature can awaken in you a sense of vitality and infinity, which becomes a path to your core creativity. Without conscious thought, you can look up at the astonishing number of stars in the sky or leaves on a single tree in a forest, and feel a sense of vastness and spaciousness. As you gaze at the heavens the ancients observed, knowing that humanity throughout history and across continents has pondered these very stars, you experience being a part of something larger than yourself that feels as if it has always existed and always will.

Entering Sacred Space

In ancient times, sacred spaces, such as churches, temples, and sites for group rituals, were built on land whose features evoked a sense of spirituality. Treks to places like Machu Picchu, the temples of India, and Stonehenge have become more popular for Westerners who yearn for a sense of connection to their divine nature. Yet sacred spaces can exist wherever you feel a sense of spaciousness and connection to the creative, life-supporting forces of the universe. Arranging the space in your home or office to bring in light and nature will help you feel expansive and access your core creativity as you open up to your important role in all of creation.

Seeking Out Creative Stimulation

When the Irish band U2 wanted to reinvent their music, they traveled to Berlin, a bustling, gritty city unfamiliar to them, and soaked in the atmosphere, allowing its energy to infuse their songwriting and sound. Similarly, a famous actor I once spotted in an art museum stood before a painting for a good ten minutes before throwing his arms out and his head back, and standing for many more minutes, as if opening his heart to a beam of creative energy emanating from that painting. We all have this capacity to open to the vital forces around us and allow ourselves to take them in, mingling them with our own passions.

Mindful Movement

Many forms of physical movement can be an entrée into open-mind consciousness. Somatic therapy or somatic disciplines such as martial arts, tai chi, and yoga are the most well-known ways of quieting the rational mind and opening up to the intuitive mind and its connection to the numinous creative force. Any physical activity that involves discipline and a slowing down of thoughts, from skiing to dance, actually creates new neural pathways in your brain that become roads to innovation.

Becoming creatively toned can lead to a breakthrough in parenting or relating to others, or it can make you feel vitalized and fully engaged in the mundane chores of the day. The Buddha said that to find enlightenment, one must chop wood and carry water, meaning that the deepest, more purposeful life may not be one dedicated to an extraordinary cause or endeavor, but one that’s simply lived with a deep sense of awareness and openness to both the known and the unknown. A passion for discovery, for embracing the new and the unfamiliar can help you transform your life in ways you never dreamed possible, as you find the strength to move out of fear and resistance and into something new.

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Slowing down your activities and becoming quiet, cultivating a state of listening, and gaining access to the interior sanctum of the soul’s creative self are part of most religious traditions. In Buddhist monasteries, monks go for weeks or even months without speaking. Jesus was said to have spent forty days in the desert praying and meditating. I’ve also known creative artists who spend several hours sitting in a room, surrounded by their painting supplies, staring at a canvas, as Jackson Pollock regularly did, remaining in silence and waiting for the flow of ideas. A world-class drummer once took me inside his music room, slowly moved his hand across the drum kit, and said, “Sometimes I sit here for hours in the silence and quietly wait for the drums to tell me what to write and play.” As he spoke, I realized his ability to patiently wait and remain in an open, listening state was a key element in his ability to create amazing music.

But in a world that operates at a faster pace each year, we feel pressured to stay on our toes, thinking and planning, running from one activity to the next. We’ve lost the ability to completely immerse ourselves in a process of wonder and discovery. As children, we lost track of time while playing. Now, many schedule their lives in fifteen-minute intervals. Disruptions and distractions are everywhere, from our “smartphones” hounding us with text messages throughout the day to our e-mail demanding that we sign the latest petition.

What’s more, a long retreat or vacation is unavailable to many, given the demands on their time. Yet the Buddha taught that it’s the act of slowing down, becoming quiet, and opening up that’s most important, not the amount of time spent on a meditation cushion. Ten to twenty minutes, twice a day, spent in quiet awareness, resting the anxious activity of the monkey mind, tones us creatively.

When you’re in crisis, your body’s immune system may weaken to the point where you become ill and are forced to slow down and be quiet. You become acutely aware of your physical discomfort. You sleep more, accessing the world of your dreams. Rather than wait until your body forces you to retreat, you can actively choose to be in charge of this process of becoming quiet. If you do, you’ll gradually open yourself to the possibility of fully experiencing your core creativity.

Your self-insight and psychological awareness give the experience of core creativity its context. Someone who has very little self-awareness and suddenly opens the doors of perception won’t necessarily be able to use that experience to inform his understanding of himself or his life. A slow approach toward the threshold, achieved by working to become creatively toned and using the rational mind to make sense of your experiences, prepares you to do more than merely marvel at the rush of awareness that comes as a result of accessing an open-mind state. As a result of your reverie and your conscious mind’s understanding that, indeed, you were responsible for turning on this creative flow and you can do it again, you’re forever transformed. You’ll never forget your ability to break through to the deepest state of creativity.

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When we’re in a state of wanting mind, we’re never satisfied, no matter what we have. If we attain the object of our longing, we simply replace the old desire with a new one. If we achieve revenge; we feel worse than we did before. The problem is that wanting mind is rooted in the incorrect belief that something outside of ourselves is the key to lasting happiness so we look there for the solution. The reality is that no emotion or state of being, however strong, is permanent and that happiness can’t be found outside of ourselves only within. Buddhists call this phenomenon of endless wanting and dissatisfaction the “hungry ghost.”

Now I realize that one can never completely avoid the wanting mind or any other hindrance. Desire is part of being human. It causes us to strive toward bettering our lives and our world, and has led to many of the discoveries and inventions that have provided us with a higher quality of life. But there’s a danger in thinking that by ridding yourself of this quality of wanting, you’ll lose the motivation to better your life. The unhealthy side of the wanting mind is despite all that we can achieve and possess, we become convinced that we won’t be happy or contented unless we acquire even more. This unwholesome belief can lead to competitiveness and feeling resentful toward, or envious of, those who seem to have an easier life.

This leads to the unwholesome habit of comparison. Some people look at others’ successes and feel deeply envious. They may be angry that they haven’t achieved what they feel entitled to, start to diminish all that’s working for them in their lives, and obsess over what seems to be lacking.

Often, I’ve found that younger people put tremendous pressure on themselves to succeed in their careers at a very early age, not allowing themselves to venture out and explore, take risks, make mistakes, discover their talents and passions, and slowly begin formulating a plan for their personal mandala. Others often have unrealistic expectations rooted in the narratives spun by popular culture. In movies and television shows for example the difficulties of maintaining and nurturing relationships are often minimized in favor of a more engaging and unlikely story of couples who meet, fall in love immediately, have great sex as well as an unwavering long-term commitment, and rarely disagree—and if they do, they quickly resolve all their issues. The amount of effort and time that must be invested to foster a healthy relationship is often surprising to people with little experience of such relationships.

One remedy to addressing these underlying, and distorted beliefs of the wanting mind that contribute to the complexities of depression is through a mindfulness meditation practice. I had one client, in particular, who dreamed of being a successful novelist, and became deeply envious of a talented writer who’d written several best-selling novels that had defined a genre and made her famous. This client, who was only a year or two out of college, had already managed to procure a scholarship to a prestigious writing program but felt disappointed in her inability to find a publisher for her novel.

Through meditation, the conflicted young woman was able to explore her belief that she should have as much skill and success as someone who had spent many years honing her craft and building her profile among booksellers and readers. By becoming mindful she recognized that she’d been repressing unwholesome feelings of low self-worth. I helped her see that the passion she was devoting to envying this best-selling author’s success could be redirected to more productive activity if she would apply a positive antidote of satisfaction to her wanting mind, which had created a grandiose expectation completely out of proportion to a reasonable level of achievement for a writer just starting out. Only through self-love and being in the moment can one open themselves up to the type of creativity they need to improve their circumstances.

By dropping out of wanting mind and negative comparison, you can then drop into an acceptance of what’s ordinary as well as what’s extraordinary within yourself. Each of us has the potential to do something no one else has ever done before, and you open yourself to discovering just what that is when you replace wanting mind and its negative feelings and thoughts with a mind-set of satisfaction.

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I’ve helped them see their lives as a canvas for self-expression that could, and should, reflect their personal passions and values. You too can open yourself up to the possibility of creatively transforming any crisis, loss or change in your life by following this three-step process based upon my book, “Wise Mind, Open Mind.”

Step One: Letting Go of the Past and Resistance

The art of creative transformation begins with the willingness to be mindful of your hidden resistance to making a change, examining it and breaking it down so that you can sweep it away like sand on a doorstep. If unwanted change has occurred, you’re likely to become angry or upset, and struggle to regain what’s been lost. You might find yourself closing your eyes to any other avenues available to you, obsessing about the past and trying to reclaim what was once yours. This resistance blocks you from recognizing that what lies ahead for you might actually make you happier than you’ve ever been.

If all signs point to the need for change, it’s important not to deny them and cling to the status quo even as it’s slipping away. Instead explore your own resistance to change and let go of all that’s holding you back, so that you can be in open mind and accept, and even embrace, the impermanent nature of life. Then you can stop feeling like the victim of circumstances and begin to see that you, too, can transform yourself and your life in a positive and exciting way.

Step Two: Learn How to Tune into Your Creative Unconscious

The second step is tuning in and listening to the wisdom of your soul or unconscious, the state in which core creativity takes place, beyond the limitations of the mind’s thought processes. Whenever you reconnect to this core, authentic self through open mind, the temporary circumstances of life stop distracting you. You’re able to trust that the creative process will produce opportunities and possibilities in due time.

To access your core creativity and stop identifying with your ego or false self, which insists, “I can’t,” “I shouldn’t,” and “I’ll never” start to develop a meditation practice that you do for five to twenty minutes a day. I particularly recommend a mindfulness or insight meditation practice, which allows you to see the true nature of your experiences. Other forms of meditation that help you access an open mind are prayer, contemplation, mindful movement such as martial arts, tai chi and yoga, and just being in nature.

Step Three: Learn How to Move Forward with a Practical Plan

The final step is to create a practical plan to manifest your goals. Any plan or vision requires research if you want to make it a reality. We’ve all known people who made a major move too quickly, without thinking through the details, because they were so eager to meet their goals.

Quite often, my clients begin the process of envisioning a new life by insisting that they need more money. If you feel this way, explore this idea mindfully. Instead of assuming that money is your golden ticket to a fulfilling life, think about how you can increase the number and range of opportunities available to you. Learning about how people have overcome obstacles and achieved success can help you identify the elements in their winning formulas, but then you must apply their insights and advice to your own life.

If you know what you need to do visual reminders, such as a vision board may help keep you on track. Figuring out how long it should take to reach your goals can be difficult and can generate anxiety or worry. When you look at your goals and your checklist for manifesting your vision, you may find that your progress isn’t as steady or as spectacular as you’d hoped. Also gather and work with a wisdom council of support. Your friends, family or neighbors can offer you practical or emotional support at times, but to come through a crisis and make the biggest breakthroughs in personal transformation, it’s best to cast a wide net and draw in support from multiple sources.

Rebuilding after any great loss can be extremely difficult, but again and again, I’ve seen people use meditation and the art of creative transformation to pull themselves out of a valley of despair and even create successes they never would’ve dreamed of before their initial loss. A forward-thinking view can lead to reinvention and healing.

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Ronald Alexander, Ph.D. is the author of the widely acclaimed book, Wise Mind, Open Mind: Finding Purpose and Meaning in Times of Crisis, Loss, and Change. He is the director of the OpenMind Training® Institute, practices mindfulness-based mind-body psychotherapy and leadership coaching in Santa Monica, CA, for individuals and corporate clients. He has taught personal and clinical training groups for professionals in Integral Psychotherapy, Ericksonian mind-body healing therapies, mindfulness meditation, and positive psychology nationally and internationally since 1970. (www.openmindtraining.com)

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By looking at these four central tenets of Buddhism we can better understand how micromanaging our circumstances can cause us to become agitated and restricted. Instead when we learn to let go of our attachments we can transform our lives in an innovative way.

The four noble truths can help us break out of the need to be in control and, instead enter into an acceptance of the present moment. Only in the present will we find the courage to cross the threshold of the unknown and relax into the changes we cannot avoid. I find it helpful to take a mindful pause throughout the day and check in with one or more of them. It’s a lovely compass to follow.

Here are the four noble truths from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind and how they can help you let go of resistance and move forward out of your dilemma.

The first noble truth: In life, there is suffering, because of the impermanent nature of things.

Because we feel more secure when we have a sense of predictability, we develop a great capacity for denying a simple truth: that nothing stays the same. Then the unpredictability of life shows us that even if we do everything “right” and exercise every precaution, we can still face unexpected loss.

When this happens the shock can make it hard to regain your equanimity and exercise nonreactvity. Too often, rather than surrender to the inevitability of change and work creatively with it, people resort to the fear-based behavior of trying to take charge and force other people and situations to conform to their expectations. The first noble truth of Buddhism is a reminder not to slip into the avoidance behavior of denial. While it’s not wise to create gloomy thoughts about how matters might take a turn for the worse, consciously ignoring the reality that all situations transform sets you up for a great shock when that time comes.

The second noble truth: Suffering is due to attachments and expectations, to grasping and clinging.

Your inability to avoid change may make you angry, sad, and frustrated. It can be hard to let go of the false belief that the only way to achieve happiness again is to regain what’s been lost. Even when you know you can’t reverse the situation, you may agonize over this reality.

Clinging to what once was, avoiding the process of grief and acceptance, causes paralysis. Grasping for a future set of circumstances identical to the past holds you back from discovering what better roads lie ahead, outside of your sight. The desire to backtrack or reconstruct will likely result in your walking around in circles, lost in the dark woods, instead of peering around corners to find new paths.

The third noble truth: It’s possible to end suffering by giving up attachments (clinging) and expectations (grasping).

The shift in perspective that comes when we recognize that there’s no such thing as a permanent sense of happiness begins our healing from suffering. The next step is to accept that we must broaden our definition of what we need in order to be happy, giving up the habits of clinging and grasping, as well as the need to control external circumstances.

After emerging from the shock of a great loss, we’re even more despairing about the possibility of being joyful again. However, the third noble truth offers us the promise of a new way of living that’s as satisfying, if not more fulfilling, than the old. It beckons us to begin the process of transformation.

The fourth noble truth: The way to end suffering due to clinging and grasping is through balance and living in the present.

It’s important to balance a thirst for something better with an acceptance of what is, right now. Balance allows you to live in the present moment and trust that your acceptance will clear the mist of confusion and distractions, and show you the way to move forward into happiness again. Here’s the paradox of change: until you can accept what is, you cannot move into what might be.

When we cling to the past or what no longer serves us, we contract ourselves to the point where we’re unable to be nourished and invigorated by the present moment. We have to accept that what’s past has truly passed in order to open up to what the present moment offers us. In this opening we become nourished, refreshed and revitalized.

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R – Jenny, what gave you the inspiration to write this book?

J – I was fascinated from a very early age by what made people creative and having been surrounded by musicians most of my life, it was an obvious choice, to ask them the questions I’d always wanted to know about the creative process. I believe musicians have a very special gift. They are the torchbearers, the spokespersons of our time. Their songs express not only the feelings and ideas of the individual but of each generation and its culture.

R – Did you find any common threads in what they had to say?

J – All of the seventy-five musicians, except for two had nurturing parents or grandparents who were supportive of their creativity. I found this was an important element and because of this nurturing environment from a young age, it gave them the courage and faith in themselves that is needed to pursue their creative yearnings, to delve into the depths of their unconscious.

R – You interviewed the late psychologist Frank Barron, a pioneer in creative research. That must have been pretty inspiring for you?

J – It was. He told me that creative individuals are persons whose dedication is nothing less than a quest for ultimate meaning. What is enjoined with them is to listen to the voice within and allow it to express itself.

R – The voice within is the creative collective that Swiss Psychologist Carl Jung referred to as the collective unconscious.

J – Yes, musicians seem to have no fear of exploring the unknown, entering into the creative world of the unconscious. They all have this incredible drive to create. Keith Richards said, “If you’re a musician, you can never really stop playing, even if you don’t do any gigs or you retire. You’re still in a way playing inside yourself.” It’s like Jung said, “Creative power is mightier than its possessor.”

R – We’re verging into the spiritual here. Were musicians aware of that side of themselves?

J – Absolutely. They all described in different ways what Abraham Maslow called a Peak Experience. Most of them had never spoken about it before, and some, such as Eric Clapton had no idea anyone else other than himself had experienced this feeling. They described it as a sort of mid-way point between conscious and unconscious, a place of timelessness, a dream state. It gave them a feeling of awe and reverence, being given a gift, being used as a vessel and at times the feeling of going into a trance. To get to that state many of them said they had to surrender to the power of the creative unconscious.

R – It sounds very similar to mindfulness meditation.

J – That’s right. Mindfulness meditation allows you to flow into a state of Open Mind to access your creativity but as soon as the ego takes over, and tells you you’re special or the best meditator in the world, it all disappears! You need to surrender and let go in order to hold the space but once you start grasping at it you lose the feeling of peak oneness.

R – Did these musicians say they had any special times of the day or week they were more creative or any particular environments?

J – George Harrison said he always liked to write in the early hours of the morning, when everything was still and everyone asleep.

R – That’s a good time to practice mindfulness meditation as well. In Asia and India this is the time of day where the prana of the earth and universe is felt to be the strongest.

J – As you know, George was a meditator, and another musician, flautist and saxophonist Paul Horn who was in India with us enjoyed the practice of regular meditation.

R – That’s right. You went to India with the Beatles. Were you able to witness their creativity at work?

J – Yes, I was very lucky. I would sit with my sister Pattie and the rest of the Beatles on the roof of our bungalow, watching and listening to them as they talked about their mediation or not being able to sleep at night. Then they’d start playing their guitars creating a song that would later be heard on The White Album. It was fantastic.

R – What about drugs and alcohol? I notice you have a chapter on that in your book.

J – Most of the musicians who talked about drugs and alcohol said that to begin with it would diminish the anxiety that can stall or prevent the creative process. Being high is like being put into another world, one without form or structure, similar to the unconscious. It would help them get the conscious mind, the busy mind, out of the way. But for many the tool became the end rather than the means. As Eric Clapton said, “The booze becomes more important than the doors it opened, so that’s the trap.” A lot of these musicians had stopped drinking and using when I interviewed them and were able to talk about the difference in their creativity since stopping.

R – And do we all have the potential to be creative?

J – Yes. Joni Mitchell said, “The net with which you capture creativity is made up of the threads of your alertness.” It’s about expressing yourself. As psychologist Rollo May says, “If you do not express your own original ideas, or listen to your own being, you will have betrayed yourself.”

R – Jenny, your book not only shares the context and development of these iconic musicians but also shows that anyone who takes the time to slow down, relax and listen to their inner self can tap into the richness of this creative collective. So taking time for a Mindful Pause throughout the day really is a great way to turn on the creative self. Thank you for writing such an inspiring and interesting book.

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Mindfulness allows you to set aside the instantaneous, unwholesome thoughts that limit one’s ability to think of creative solutions and embrace more positive, wholesome ones, laying new neural pathways and building what I call, mindstrength. This is the ability to very quickly and easily shift out of a reactive mode and become fully present in the moment. It gives you mastery over your thoughts and feelings, opening your eyes to whether the products of your mind are useful tools for self-discovery or merely distractions.

Often, unwholesome, painful thoughts are about the past and the future, or cause and effect: You might think, “If I wasn’t able to do that in the past, I won’t be able to do that in the future” and “Because of what I did in the past, I can’t create the future situation I’d like.” Again, by applying mindfulness training, you open a doorway to a mindful-inquiry process in which you can examine these beliefs and let go of a sense of being stuck or trapped. Painful and fearful thoughts about the past and future will prevent you from focusing on the present, and accepting where you are at this moment in time.

Here are three mindful techniques from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind to help you shift painful afflictive thoughts and feelings.

Step One: Examine Unwholesome Thoughts

When distorted and unwholesome thoughts arise, stop, observe what you’re thinking, and ask yourself, “Is this true?” You can consider the evidence that it is and weigh that against the evidence that it isn’t, keeping in mind that extreme statements such as “I’ll never…” or “It always happens that…” are almost certainly distortions. Using logic and reason, you can analyze a situation and determine whether you were assuming a worst-case scenario, and consider what the best-case scenario and even the most likely scenario are. If you don’t know whether a particular negative thought is likely to be true, you can explore the possibilities instead of being pessimistic and assuming the worst.

Step Two: Replace Unwholesome Thoughts with Wholesome Ones

Ideally it is best to work with a mindfulness trainer or a therapist to help figure out specific wholesome, remedying thoughts. It this isn’t possible, then write out the replacement thoughts. When you first begin using this remedy of a positive thought, feeling, or sensation, you’re likely to feel resistance, as the old neural pathways in the brain protest, “But this isn’t true!” One way to get around this obstacle is to design remedying thoughts that feel true in the moment. Instead of trying to replace an unwholesome feeling of longing and emptiness with the belief, “I’m going to meet the love of my life very soon,” you can remedy that afflictive feeling with a thought such as “I’m doing all the right things to attract and create a healthy, loving partnership,” which is less likely to arouse feelings of dishonesty, discomfort, or embarrassment. In mindfulness training, you actually teach the mind to create wholesome thoughts, and in so doing, you reprogram your brain, replacing old neural networks with new ones that foster creativity and optimism.

Step Three: Reinforce New Wholesome Thoughts

Once you’ve generated a new positive and healing thought, make a point of saying the words silently or aloud every time you witness yourself thinking negatively. Let’s say you’re experiencing the recurring negative thought, “I’m no good with numbers.” First look back to the source of that belief, examining your past. You may simply need to notice that your mind is creating a negative loop of self-talk, comprised of self-defeating thoughts. By adopting the new, wholesome thought, “I’m fully capable of learning anything I wish to learn,” your mind flow will begin to shift and travel on a more wholesome course.

Creative individuals have learned the habit of rejecting limiting, constrictive thinking. They allow the witnessing mind to arise, look at an obstacle, and say, “Perhaps that’s true, but let’s sit with that idea for a while.” In Buddhism, we say that a constrictive quality of mind keeps mind flow within a narrow range of awareness, while mindfulness allows us to drop our limitations and ultimately enter the creative space of open mind.

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How can you stop the rain from falling down?

How can you stop the sun from shining?

……Please help me mend my broken heart and let me live again.

– Lyrics from the Bee Gee’s 1971 Hit Song

When we suffer a deep loss or trauma our hearts can literally feel that they have been shattered into a million pieces. Or we feel that our heart has broken open and we are bleeding metaphorically. At times it can even be difficult to breathe. Our heart is both a living organ that is our life source as well as an emotional mind/body metaphor referred to when we experience heartache and sorrow. It’s as if the heart that beats to an electrical energy wave becomes short circuited and burns out, flares out or is broken into many tiny pieces.

After the initial shock of a loss many feel the need to push aside their grief lest it overwhelms them with its intensity. This is understandable, but the longer you avoid your pain and attempt to push it away, the more difficult it will be to break out of the paralysis. Just as birds are drawn to bread crumbs on the ground, the pain will keep returning after you shoo it away.

When I work with my patients in the initial stage of sorrow I suggest that at first they just sit with their pain and grief, simply noticing it as if they are sitting on a riverbank watching these heavy feelings float downstream. During this time many of them ask, “Why is this happening to me?” While it is impossible for us to see the big picture, I suggest to them that when they are ready to use this experience to honor themselves by learning, and growing from it. A translation of a Rumi poem says, “When your heart breaks (open), journey deep inside.” So if you are going to be courageous and take that journey it’s helpful to be guided by the following seven steps for overcoming and transforming a broken heart.

Step 1: Struggle with Denial

Denial is the first round of defense that we immediately enter into like the first chamber in the heart that breaks. In this inner chamber we face the demons of trying every which way to not accept the loss. It’s as if a visitor with bad news has entered our home and we try to push him/her back outside so we don’t have to listen to the painful message.

Step 2: Acknowledging your Brokenness

You must start to acknowledge to yourself that your heart has been broken by someone, something or some event. Step into the experience of attempting to tolerate the unbearable quality of this sorrow. I say “attempt” to deal with the sorrow as you must acknowledge that your pain in order over time to learn to manage, handle, and heal it.

Step 3: Overcoming Rationalization

We rationalize this is not happening, it can’t be so, it’s only a terrible nightmare, things will change and everything will be as it was! The denial of pain. We pray to God that if this experience is taken from us we will repent, we will change, we will dedicate our life to a great cause. Anything but to feel this deep, aching wound of hurt and sorrow. So often when our heart is breaking we want someone, anyone to tell us what to do, or where to go, or how to instantly heal.

Step 4: Surrender

The Beatles insightful song Tomorrow Never Knows says, “Turn off your mind, relax and float down stream ….That you may see the meaning of within.” The step of entering into the chamber of Surrender is an essential stage in order to allow the self to begin the arduous process of mending a broken heart. When we surrender, we enter the state of not knowing and not doing. Since we do not know just how long the journey will take it is helpful to accept what I write about in my book Wise Mind Open Mind that we never fully get over a loss but instead we learn to navigate through it. “Taking as long as it takes” is a phrase I use with my patients while they are in this stage.

Step Five: Acceptance

It takes great courage to pull yourself up off the floor, bed, or couch and get back into the world when your heart is broken. Acceptance gives us the first few steps we need to begin to slowly scratch and claw our way back into the land of the living. One of the most painful aspects of when I had a broken heart was going out to the movies or dinner or on a vacation and all I ever saw was couples or families but still we need to exercise the organ of the emotional heart with fierce grace in order to step forward and go back outside into the world of possibilities.

Step Six: Embrace the Now

The Buddha said what is past is now dead and gone; the past is the past, the present is now, and the future is yet to arrive. When grieving we tend to live in the past reliving the trauma or memories of the one we lost. Now memories are important to maintain but within reason. In order to take the next step we must embrace the present to manifest the future. One of the easiest and most effect techniques that I recommend to my patients is to develop a mindfulness meditation practice (see the video below for tips on how to meditate). By practicing mindfulness we can learn to slowly tolerate, pace the painful feelings, and slow down the afflictive and repetitive thought patterns. In my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind I have a specific meditation to overcome a broken heart. Mindfulness is both an ancient and modern non sectarian method for teaching us to follow our breath in and out and to relax, to let go of the pain and eventually release and transform it into vitality, acceptance and equanimity. Other methods to help one become more present are yoga, Tai Chi, walks in nature, jogging or visiting museums.

Step Seven: Create a New Future

There is a field of thinking within positive psychology that says the way through pain includes becoming your own architect and actively engaging and involving yourself in the planning of a new future. The victim in us will want to remain on the floor curled up in agony, wishing to avoid any future painful experiences that life may present to us. One who is engaged and empowered realizes and accepts that the past is the past and all we have now is the present moment and the future. It’s all in the next breath in and the next breath out and creating in your mind’s eye a future storyline for yourself. Dare to dream and be wild with your imagination. Have the courage to dream any positive, loving, creative future with no bounds. Remember after Death comes Rebirth!

It’s your storyline you are creating, like writing the next chapter of your life in a novel. But in your story I challenge you to JUMP into the water, catch the next wave and maybe you will just be surprised and delighted to experience yourself riding that new wave with confidence, joy and possibility!!!

Download the Broken-Heart Recovery Mediation Here

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According to the most recent APA “Stress in America” survey, nearly half of today’s adults reported being more stressed out. And just as many say they’re simply unable to control the important aspects of their lives. The key to dealing with a stressful situation, especially for those who take things personally, is to develop a deeply grounded core rudder so that no matter what size of wave one encounters they can recover quickly and proceed with more focus.

My good friend and colleague, Dr. Judith Orloff recently posted a blog from her new book, The Power of Surrender on how letting go, relinquishing control, and being more flexible can help relieve stress. The art of letting go or surrendering is part of the mindfulness meditation practice I discuss in my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind. Meditation helps to quiet the rational mind, and allow you to open up to the intuitive creative mind. Through this connection one is able to build what I call “mindstrength,” learn to stop their reactivity, and focus on the big picture.

I’ve found in my practice patients who are in a stressful situation benefit from answering the following questions, which allows them to shift from a reactive state and become more proactive.

1. What do I feel right now?
2. Do these feelings benefit me in any way? If I feel anxious and fearful, do these emotions lead me to insights, or are they completely unwholesome responses that cause conflict, hold me back, and distract and dis-empower me?
3. If what I’m experiencing is in response to another person’s behavior, what’s the evidence that that person’s actions have little or nothing to do with me and are, instead, the result of what’s going on inside his own mind?
4. Is there anything I can do to help myself depersonalize the situation?
5. Are there practices I can use to nourish myself at this difficult time?

Here are some additional forms of stress and solutions on how to let them go from Judith Orloff’s new book.

Work Stress—Don’t Compare, Compliment

If you’re stressed out at work, stop comparing yourself to others, and focus on what you’re grateful for. Instead of envying someone’s success, consider what you can learn from them and wish them well. Letting go this way can be very liberating, freeing you to change at least some of your work related behaviors.

Relationship Stress—Show Compassion, Relinquish Control

Yelling at your spouse, partner, or children won’t relieve your stress. The key is to stay calm, no matter what buttons your loved one has pushed. Don’t react or get defensive, and allow the other person to finish talking. Let what they say sink in before you respond. Substitute compassion for control. Accept where they’re coming from.

Physical Stress—Move Don’t Mope

Here is a surprisingly simple solution: To let go of physical stress, let your body do what it was designed to do – move. At least several times a week, visit the gym, walk your dog, swim, or do yoga stretches. Movement relaxes muscles, reduces tension, and helps you sleep better. If you are physically stressed out surrender to the bliss of your body’s sacred energy and love your body through movement.

Time-Related Stress—Let Nature Calm You

The American culture rushes people through life, work, and relationships. We don’t allow ourselves enough time to let things happen at their own pace, and surrender to the flow. Take time stressors to go outside and focus on a cloud, watch it drift, and notice its changing shape. Let the air rush through and around you and clear out your mind. Drink a glass of water and take a relaxing shower to cleanse the negativity and work deadlines from your system. These calming exercises can help your rushing mind slow down and gain perspective.

Illness-Related Stress—Trust Your Body’s Healing Powers

An illness can often lead to depression. To keep negative thoughts from overwhelming you, change your negative beliefs (I will never heal) to positive ones (I trust my body’s healing powers). Instead of getting stressed out, listen to your body—and if a treatment or a doctor’s approach doesn’t feel right to you, question it. Get enough sleep and avoid people and settings that deplete or de-energize you.

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As a therapist working with people in creative industries, I’ve seen how the idea that “you’re only as good as your last project” creates an unwholesome dissatisfaction and constant striving to do better, a perfectionism that leads to a lack of appreciation for the great triumphs of life. As the wheel of fortune turns, the section that was in the mud gets dried in the sunlight while the parts that were in the sunlight roll into the mud. Buddhism teaches that happiness is a momentary state of mind, body, and energy, so when you’re happy, relish it, but be mindful that the wheel will inevitably turn. Similarly, when you’re unhappy, recognize the fleeting nature of your emotions and experiences, learn from them, and know that this too shall pass.

When you’re meeting your goals, being productive, feeling a sense of purpose, enjoying prosperity, and flourishing in all areas of your life, it can feel as if you’ve reached the end of a long road and all suffering is behind you. If you’ve emerged from a trauma or loss, or a long period of unhappiness, the desire to believe that you’ve “arrived” is especially powerful. Given that genuine inner happiness fluctuates, it’s important to be mindful as you ride on the rim of that ever-turning wheel, rather than hold on to the misconception that life and happiness are static.

Your goal must be to remain open to each moment and what it brings, whether it be positive, neutral, or negative, thereby freeing yourself from distractions, hindrances, and the fleeting desires that create what I call the “wanting mind.” Peaks are wonderful, but they don’t last forever, so it’s important to drink every drop of juice from the fruit when it’s at its height of ripeness, rather than hoard it fearfully or squander it. Otherwise, when you end up in the valley again, you’re more likely to experience the suffering caused by wanting mind and wish that you could return to your previous circumstances.

Here are 4 steps from my book, Wise Mind, Open Mind to help you circumvent the valleys in your life.

Step 1: Cultivate Patience

In an ebb period, impatience and doubt inevitably arise. The wanting mind longs to take charge, so it can be hard to accept that you can’t control how or when you’ll meet your goals. When you feel emotional distress and pain in response to upsetting situations, patience keeps you from being reactive and making poor choices out of frustration. It allows you to be in harmony with the timing of others, who have their own rhythms and may help you to manifest your vision. Mindstrength (the ability to very quickly and easily shift out of a reactive mode and become fully present in the moment) allows you to be patient and remain present in the moment as your life unfolds before you. It helps you clarify whether circumstances feel right, and whether you’re acting in ways that are in accordance with your values and core passions.

Step 2: Set Realistic Goals

To prevent feelings of impatience and anxiety, it’s good to set specific, realistic goals for yourself, based on what you’ve learned about the typical timetable for achieving your goals. However, if your target date arrives, and you realize that for all your hard work, focus, and dedication, you still aren’t where you’d planned to be, assess the situation mindfully rather than automatically give up on it. You may need more time to heal from a loss. Perhaps you’re very close to a point where a dramatic shift will occur. Mindfulness will give you clarity, allowing you to recognize why your projected timing didn’t work out and accept that there were circumstances beyond your control; that you procrastinated, became distracted, or engaged in avoidance behavior; or that you don’t have the passion you thought you had. You’ll recognize that boredom doesn’t necessarily come from a lack of passion. Sometimes it comes from being impatient and from not being mindful of the process and the opportunities for growth that it offers.

Step 3: Ask Yourself, “What Now?”

Sometimes, the ebb of happiness is very low and lasts a very long time. Depression doesn’t have to block you from a life of purpose and fulfillment. Both Abraham Lincoln and Winston Churchill suffered from depression, yet neither overly identified with this affliction. They recognized that this “black dog” (as Churchill called it) would appear of its own accord, and they accepted the rhythms inherent in a depressive temperament. I tell depressed or bipolar patients that focusing on why they have this affliction may be useful up to a point but that a far more productive question is, “What now?” We focus on getting the client the proper medications and natural vitamin supplements or hormones, and arranging for emotional support, which alleviates the worst of the depression. Then we explore how the depression or manic energy can be used as fuel for a purposeful life.

Step 4: Take a “Reality Check”

Many of us have feelings of guilt and powerlessness when we are in the ebb of life. Such guilt often stems from a defensive need to believe that we have more control over life’s events than we truly do. Sometimes, taking a look at others’ experiences, or doing a “reality check,” can alleviate these feelings at least somewhat. We can also believe “God is punishing me” or “This must be karma; I must’ve done something terrible in a previous life.” These types of beliefs lead to the question, “Why?” or “How did I cause this?” instead of the healthier questions, “How can I use mindfulness to focus on my immediate experience? What am I thinking, feeling, and sensing now?” After attuning to the now, ask “What’s next? What do I need to do?” These questions are at the core of creative transformation. We need to look forward, even while embracing the pain of the moment. A forward-thinking view can lead to reinvention and healing.

So no matter if you’re experiencing a peak or valley right now get off your computer, cell phone, iPad or the telephone and take a sacred mindful pause to reflect, and relax. Let yourself flow into this beautiful space of peace, grace and equanimity, taking the time to mindfully recharge your battery of self. Enjoy this breath and this moment now!

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